Friday, July 31, 2009

Sabotaging the Saboteaur

Well, its been another interesting two weeks full of never ending lessons... and questions...

The fundage that I was counting on for my move to Aspen has become, um, unavalable for a few months, because it was coming from my accident, and the case is not going to settle in time. Don't panic, I haven't sold my business yet and I graduate in four weeks, so I can put my head down and power out a bunch of work, and get it together.

I have decided to go to India in Spring of 2010, to give myself some time with the boys before they go into school and I leave, and to give myself some time to do a massive ebay of almost everything I own before I leave.

It looks like I will head down to Aspen in Mid October, or early November, after I get all that stuff done. The only problem with that is... will there be any place to live? Housing dries up really quickly. I was pretty much guaranteed a place to live when I was moving in September, but now... well, we'll see.

Another question is, do we have to all move to Colorado? Can I just go down there for the ski season and come back to Montana for the winter?

I'm not sure how I feel about that. This means, most likely, not seeing my boys every winter for the next three years.

But, you know what? This week I am working on trust. So many wonderful things are falling in to place after so much hard work on the part of my whole team this summer, and I think the next step is to live in the reality that has been created.

So I'm going to do a good job shedding all I don't need, I'm looking forward to leaning down from my stuff, lovin on my kids and camping with them as much as possible, and then heading down for a season of amazing skiing. What we will do about Christmas, what we will do about summer, what we will do in general, that will unfold over the next year.

I'm looking forward to being able to dedicate myself whole heartedly to my training, to living so close to the mountain, and to working on Ajax! Holy dream come true, batman!

Here is something I've been looking at this week, not about the move to Aspen, but about some other things going on in my life, and I thought it was relevant as far as finding and staying on your path, so I thought I'd share it.

I realized this week that while I'm working hard, I'm still completely capable of sabotaging myself when I get close to success. I'm doing MUCH better with time management, money and food, thanks to an understanding of how being compassionate to myself doesn't mean making excuses and doing the same thing again and again, but being gentle with myself before, during and after, and all around these issues, so that I can see that the most compassionate thing I can do for myself is to make a good decision, even if its hard.

Anyhow, this was a tough one, I worked and wrote a lot about how to get through it, and if you want to know more about this process, I'm happy to post about it.

So after wading through all that, I ended up in a place where I felt really good, and I was given an opportunity to enjoy myself.

And I looked at this chance to really enjoy my reality, and have the things I want in life, and I very nearly sabotaged it (about a hundred and fifty times). Why? Because there is still some trust to learn.

This week I had an amazing session with Tamara and with Amy on this subject, and my intention tonight was to share some of those insights, but to be honest... I only slept about four hours last night, went to school all morning, worked all afternoon, and I am falling asleep at my computer...

So I'll be back tomorrow, or Tuesday with the details, and thanks for reading!

No comments: