Wednesday, May 18, 2011
A quick update
One of my readers told me that it was really hard for him to see me get that far "below the line", to have self doubt and questioning behavior. I think about that a lot before I post something personal, but I do have to say that my promise to my readers has always been that I will be as transparent as possible.
This blog was meant to be a real log of this journey, not just the good parts. Any journey has ups and downs, and this one is proving to be quite difficult. I would never have guessed that the hardest part would be the financial aspect, but its true, starting a new career, from scratch, with two kids to pay for and no savings is more difficult than one would think, even a perpetual optomist like me. :-)
I had a wonderful talk with my friend who was rattled by my being rattled, and what I told him was that its going to happen. I am a human, just like everyone else, and while I work hard to stay positive and move forward, I think that having these thoughts of doubt are part of using my paddle.
(YES, I will post both the paddle and flywheel concepts ASAP! I promise!)
If we don't examine the choices we are making, we run the risk of blindly charging toward our goal, without concept or care for how our choices are affecting other people. And while its important to stay committed and work hard, and while its more likely that you will "achieve" if you can put your head down and keep moving forward, the success you achieve may be a lonely one.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a fun place to be, and it was a very scary two weeks. And no, its not really over yet, although things are looking up (aren't they always?). But I think it was an important place to be.
Do I really want this? How important is it? Should I really go to New Zealand if I can? Is it too selfish? What is the cost? To me, to our future stability, to the boys, to my relationships?
In the end, I feel that I have found some balanced answers to those questions, which are serving as a path for me while I'm navigating all this uncertanty. Having a strong support group who came very gently to my aid was really helpful during this period, and I'm grateful!
Don't be scared of the scary times, they are teachers, too, and look to your friends for encouragement when it gets dark, lots of times, they'll sit right next to you while you figure it out.