Sunday, May 17, 2009

How to get there.

The last two and a half years have been leading up to this moment. The move to Aspen. We never could have anticipated all the things that have lead to this, and we both know that its the right thing to do. It is true that Tom and I are divorcing, but we are very good friends, and great co-parents. We share a house, and do well at that. The plan to move to Colorado is scary to all of us, we will be selling our 2000 sq ft house on 2 acres and moving into employee housing.

Unfortunately, this seemed like a good plan that would work well before the economy tanked. Now, we have friends who have had their houses on the market for months. We have some construction that we have to do to make our house ready to sell, and we don't have the cash to do it.

Tom feels stressed and rushed, and so do I.

We've been trying and trying to figure out how to go about this in a way that is least impactful for the kids, and emotionally manageable for Tom.

So here is the new plan. We will be refinancing our house to get some funds to finish the remodel. Tom will do the remodel with the help of some of our friends, but he's going to take the next year to do it.

I will be moving to Aspen in late August, early September on my own, and the kids will be coming down every long weekend, and Tom and the kids will be coming down for all vacations. They will be moving to Aspen in June of 2010. Tom will get the house on the market around August so we have until June to sell it. If it sells sooner, they will move sooner, if not, they will come down as soon as I have us in a larger apartment in Aspen.

In this way, Tom can take more time to finish the build, and can feel more secure about leaving his job eventually, or doing it remotely from Aspen (which I'm sure he'd prefer), saving up some money, and we will be that much closer to qualifying for the lottery to buy an "affordable housing unit".

I will be able to go down, really focus on training, find a place to open my massage business, find some business partners, and get our home all set up.

This idea is terrifying to me. I don't ever want the kids to think I've chosen skiing over them, that I've left or abandoned them. I don't feel happy about being away from them overnight, let alone for a month. Tom is fairly certain that they will be able to come down once every three weeks or so, and I hope that's the case.

I do think that this will be better for Tom's state of mind, I know he feels rushed and frightened about if it will work, if I can support us as a family, and I hope that this extra time will help ease that.

But Aspen has been recruiting me for two years, and they've taken great care of me, extended every courtesy. I feel ready to move to my new job, and its been in all of our minds that in making this move it would be better if one of us could go down ahead of time and pave the way.

Holding breath with hope that this will be the last scary bump, and then, poof, we all live in Aspen where I have two good jobs and we have a modest lifestyle and Tom can be with the boys more and will be less stressed out because he doesn't have a job in an office, but he gets to be outside, teaching skiing, or guiding rock climbing, and doing freelance design.

Cross your fingers, these here are uncharted waters, and lets all say HELLO to eating disorders. Crud, the stress of this decision is making it flare back up. Breathe, Kate, Breathe!!

Just back from a long walk. And the reality is that I've been quitely and obsessively stressing about this for months, I had a feeling this was going to happen, but I couldn't really write about it.

I'm sad and scared and not sure how I feel about it. Tom is reassuring me that we will make the most of it, that the kids will be fine with it, that he'll bring them down a ton, that it's only 6 months, that lots of families have a dad who moves with a job and then the mom and kids join him...

I'm just sad and scared.


SkiingandTheWorld said...

You'll be have so much support from your friends...I just worry about the effect of the stress and making yourself feel you have to promise to work hard at that and use your support group whenever you need it...that's what friends are for :-)

windeehill said...

You are worried about normal stuff to worry about. Not being w/ the kids you chose to have in your life is a huge deal! You've also got a divorce going, the repair & sale of a home, a new job, school, teeth, oh, and being constantly broke or next to it - all this would be enough to put other folks in the loony bin. Seriously.
But you've got direction and drive, and a good man helping out, and you know you can do this, because you've done SO much with your life in the very recent past that others can only wonder at!
It may be hard now, but achieving it all, with the support of thefamily, is what you've been aiming for. Don't stop now.