That Which it is Used For, it Becomes

Oh, man, I'm on a roll. I added some ink to my body today, again. I've been thinking about this statement for almost a year, since I first heard it in Aubrey's Anatomy Class at Health Works Institute, where I'm a massage student here in Bozeman.

It's Wolf's Law: That which it is used for, it becomes.

This means, anatomically, that on your bones, there are little protuberances and tubercles where muscles attach. What it also means is that those protuberances and tubercles exist because the muscle that attaches there pulls on the bone, forming a bump.

So the muscles attach to the bumps, but the bumps exist because the muscles attach to them.

I thought a lot about this, and where I keep landing is that this law applies to everything. If I use my feet to climb mountains, they become mountain climbing feet. If I use my ass to sit on the couch, it becomes a couch sitting ass. If I use my heart compassionately, I become a more compassionate person. If I hold anger and jealousy, I become an angry, jealous person.

Recently, I've been challenged to accept happiness. I had a good friend say this to me about two weeks ago: "You are struggling accepting this, aren't you? Can you look at me and tell me, "I deserve to be happy."? Can you do that?"

It was hard.

I was surprised. I want to be happy, I want to recieve all that's good that comes my way. But for some reasons, including old coping from my upbringing, and repeating patterns over a lifetime, I'd used my heart to be wary. And I had become a wary person, afraid the rug was going to be yanked out from under me.

For the last two weeks, I've been working hard with Amy, Tamara, and my friends to change that. To open to trust, to ground myself and stand on my feet and open my arms and trust.

Something shifted in the last few days, and I'm now trusting. Not just working on trust, but trusting. I am practicing being a person who trusts that I deserve what's good in my life, and because of that, I'm becoming less fearful, more open, more even, more able to trust.

I think part of me was afraid I'd loose myself if this happened, that I wouldn't be me anymore. But what I've found is that because I've been willing to take this journey, I'm more me now than I was a week ago. I feel more solitary, yet more connected. I feel that I'm able to be me, regardless of perception and judgement, in spite of those things that might happen. I'm able to be me, and have it be okay. So I'm more me than I ever was.

This feels so good.

So I marked the moment with thanks to those who have helped me come here. Mike, Tamara, Amy and Brendan. My sisters and my mom. Thank you.

PS, I have to wait to put the rest on for a while, I think till I graduate, because of the healing process and my job... I can't use my forearm for 2 weeks! Ahhh!