Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Ramblings on surgery part three

​I just went and said good night to the kids. They are nervous about the surgery. Ethan said what if they make a wrong turn with the knife and they accidentally kill you and Bodie what if they cut out the wrong part and then Bodie asked again if the doctor would keep all of the pieces that he took out and put them in a bag so that I could keep them in my pocket so that I could have all of my body parts with me all the time. So we had a little conversation about the surgery and the fact that Dr. Carmen has a really excellent record and that I will be able to hold orange juice with my left hand and not drop stuff anymore and I won't be in pain anymore and that I will be strong and they'll be able to hang on my and we'll be able to wrestle and it's going to be great. It was fun to explain it to Ethan and Bodie because it reminded me of all the right reasons why I am doing it. So anyway eventually over this past week I needed to get busy so Curt and I really dove head first into the bike school report which we wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and spent about 30 hours writing and it turned out to be like a 45-page document partially because it was really fun to write and partially because we had a lot of information and partially because the pictures are so cool that you have to make them big and they take up like a half a page. It was really good to just throw myself into that and be so busy that I just couldn't think about anything else and I wished Andy well. He went off to ride bikes in Whistler so I was really excited that he got to go and our friend Piglet is up there and she is writing and so my heart and happiness are with them while they are whooping and hollering and you know what I couldn't be there anyway right now because I can't hold on to the handle bars of my bike because my left hand doesn't work. So I cannot wait to see their pictures and hear their stories and it feels a lot like being so, so happy for Cindy and Portio I am really excited to hear about what the trip is like for Andy and the gang that is up in Whistler and I know that we will get to go on another time.

​So I am headed over to Curt's house. He's going to take care of me for the next one to five, six, seven days and I feel okay. You know I'm a little sad that I'm going to, like I feel really healthy right now aside from my left arm. I took a Percocet earlier so I am not in pain but and so my left arm is really weak but aside from that, like my lungs feel healthy, my heart feels healthy, my mind feels healthy, my legs feel strong and my body feels strong and like I feel like I'm ready to go play but so it's hard to know that and then know that at this time tomorrow I will be in recovery and I will be on the beginning of a six week journey that does not feel healthy and strong but the wonderful thing to really know is that at the end of that six week journey I will be much, much healthier and stronger and when Dr. Carmen asks me do you have any questions for today, I said yeah like I get to ski six weeks from surgery, right? I get to ski and he's like yep, fully fused, your neck muscles will be weak but you can ski and so I was like awesome, that's all I want to hear.

​My friend Ben Roberts sent me a message a couple of weeks ago when I was really freaking out and sometimes when I get these wonderful messages either from my friends Ben and Weems and Megan, these three people have this knack for sending me like these beautifully written emails and Seryl and Peter too, just these wonderful like out of the blue little statements about the positive effects of what's going on and you know often times they come when I am in a really scary place and I read them and my heart reads them and I cannot respond in that moment and then sometimes I forget to express my gratitude like later so I'm going to express it now. Ben sent me an email a little while ago that said that when he fused his neck, he had the opportunity to spend some time working on his low end skiing and it really, really changed his game and the way that he moved on his skis and when he first sent that to me I wanted to be like yeah, I know but I need to work on my own skiing, blah, blah, blah and be really mad but the reality is that I know that this is true. I know that fundamentals are what makes the game strong and I know that maybe this is the discipline that I needed to knock me down all the way to the bottom and start. I totally feel like Indigo in the Princess Bride, right? You told me to go back to the beginning and so here I am at the beginning.

​So tomorrow it is off to Vail and I check in at 11:00 in the morning and then I have a two-level fusion and I don't know how long the surgery will take and I have this awesome secret bike in the back of my car for Curt to go play on while I am being operated on and that will make me smile and my heart tender that he is leaping into the air on these big meaty tires and feeling exhilarated and full and fun and then when I wake up, my neck will be in one strong peace and there will be no pressure on my nerve and my hand will immediately begin its journey back toward recovery. I will spend two nights in the hospital so you probably won't hear much from me. If you do let me apologize ahead of time, if you do hear from me on Facebook, it will probably be like blah, blah, blah, much like this blog post and then it will probably be about four days back at home, I'll be at Curt's house where he will be helping me out before I move back to my home. So, journey on. Good luck to all of you while I am out of touch and thank you so much for all of your support and encouragement. I could not and would not want to take this journey without you and you know what I realized, whether you write a blog or not, nobody is taking this journey alone so I am grateful for the community that is around me and I am part of your community too so thanks for being in the group together. That's corny, but it's true. All right, much love and I will see you on the flip side, bye.

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