Thursday, October 29, 2009

From the Mouths of Babes

Tonight, we watched Transformers all together. The boy were in their new Power Rangers costumes (Oh my god, I can't believe I'm saying this! I was going to be the mom that resisted branding and violent play! AHHH! Well, its well regulated, anyway...)

The boys were sharing popcorn with me in front of the fire. When they were in bed, Bodhi asked me to lay down with him, something we don't really do anymore. I asked him what was up, and he put his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around me and said, very seriously, with no tears, but all earnestness, looking into my eye from about four inches away, "Mom, I don't ever want to be apart from you."

"I know, babe, I don't ever want to be apart from you, too." I said, with a little bit of rising panic inside. I've been trying not to look at this as a long term thing, just as two three week ski trips back to back. And then we are together again, and its okay.

I think the current plan may be that they boys try to join me at Christmas with my mom.

He touched my face, and kissed me and snuggled in tight and said, "I don't ever want to leave you." Strange that he said that rather than, "I don't ever want you to leave me."

I laid there and thought, this is right. This will make a better life for all of us. Is this right? Am I crazy? Is it going to be okay? And then looking ahead at that life and thinking, Yes. Yes.

Off the mountain by four, I'll be living five minutes from the Elementary school. They'll be able to ski and play in the snow and swim at the club. Things we can't afford otherwise.

We can survive till Christmas, I know we can.

1 comment:

Jongira said...

Now that's a tough one! And you seem have a glimmering of a solution, which sounds right enough: how lucky you are to have a built-in grandma/ma/au`pair. Keep your eye on the goal, and stretch for it: you will create a vortex of energy, and all things good will follow in its wake.

Do you still decorate your tree in crystal and glass? That will be a comfort, a comfort of home, when they join you.