Monday, May 3, 2010

Facts suck, lets get back to the nitty gritty

I miss you guys. I miss writing how I feel and what's going on. I'm struggling to find the line between baring my soul without a filter of any sort and being professional. And you know what? Part of the deal, here, was that we are in this together.

I promised to be honest and real. So here we go.

Its been a tough week. I drove up to Whitefish, MT for a visit, then to Bozeman to deal with some legal issues, then to Big Sky to ski, then to Salt Lake to see my sister who I miss and then to Aspen. I'm broke again. I had to borrow money from my sister to get home. I have work lined up, so it is just a gap, but it was painful and depressing to have got all the way back down to ten bucks again.

I have a reliable car now, however, and I wasn't in the hole for the first time when things get like this, so while its depressing and disappointing, its better. I believe that change is happening deep and slow in a meaningful way. But I did spend three days looking hard at my stuff and being hard on myself.

I need to get myself to Telluride at the end of this week, and I'm strapped again. There's more to this that I'd like to write about, but I'm taking it slow...

It was hard to be gone on a non-skiing trip, I feel like if I'm gone I need to be skiing and training, or I need to be home with my kids. When I'm away from them, I miss them acutely, and they miss me, although it is wonderful to know that they are very happy and flourishing in school.

Things have changed so much for all of us, its nice to be hitting a stride. The boys are happy and confident and strong and creative. Bodhi told me tonight he can't wait to go into the backcountry with me, and I don't doubt that at all, he hiked Panda Peak after the chair closed at Buttermilk a few times because he wanted another run.

I have so many things I want to write about, my experience at Academy, this turning point that I'm trying to wrap my brain around in my blog, decisions about the TA (trainers accred) and what happened with the Diamond Pro application...

I'm trying to find the balance between just writing what's in my heart and dreaming out loud about the path I might walk down, and being circumspect and cautious. So far, I think I'm being overly cautious because I miss my connection to all of my readers.

It was awesome to meet a bunch of you guys at academy and see where you are on your journey, sharing stories with so many people who are making bold choices and dreaming big... Lenny coming back to Academy after two years off, Judy pushing herself hard, Diane getting into the steeps and challenging herself, Tom believing in his store, Frank pushing boundaries in race and Jill breaking through...

It was really wonderful to share the experience of being a person who has given themselves permission not to have limits, sitting around and hearing the excitement and seeing the pride on everyone's face as they told me their story made me just that much more committed to living my story out loud. Maybe just not at full volume.

Thanks for your patience while I work through this. I wrote a story about my time in Whitefish, I'll post it tonight.

No comments: