Thursday, November 29, 2007


I am truly saddened to say that I removed two posts from this blog tonight. Something I wrote hurt the feelings of someone I cared about, and because of my great regard for that woman and her daughter, I have removed my posts. If it were not for my great regard for this amazing woman, I would have left my posts up. But I don't want to fight, I hate drama, and its just not worth it.

So if you find something missing, that's why.


Liat said...

What???!!! Something you wrote hurt someone's feelings, and so to un-hurt their feelings you removed your post?? I don't understand. This doesn't seem like you. Is everything ok? Is everything better now that you took it down? Please help me to understand. It just seems as if you are sending a message to this anonymous hurt-feelings person by posting this message, and your dear reader is feeling left out and concerned.

a said...

Liat, I completely agree. I feel totally violated by this situation, and as though my right to report in an opinion piece on my own blog has been totally thrown out the window.

Basically, I was threatened by the organization, and I gave in because while the post that I wrote was anonymous, and personal, and did not attack a person, an organization took it personally, and threatened me.

If it were just me, I would have left it up. But I have decided to choose my battles. I don't want fall out from a group of people with a power trip to affect my kids in this town in the future.

If this makes this organization feel satisfied that they have won, fine, I really am so done with this that they can have their victory, discuss it amongst themselves, waste their time with several meetings to discuss it, and so on. I really don't have the emotional energy to bother with this kind of nonsense, and I just want to be done with it.

The sad thing is that my post was a personal one about my decision making, and the organizations behavior has now turned the situation into what I am sure is a very uncomfortable, angering, personal and embarrassing situation for a woman who I admire and simply had a private difference with.

Now, I have been forced to air all our dirty laundry before her peers, which I find unconscionable. But that is the choice of this group. And that's why I choose to distance myself from them.

I wish them luck, and I wish no more drama for me.

Thanks for your concern.


Liat said...

Wow! Now I understand. So taking your post down was not something you did out of weakness, but out of strength! Someone less secure would have taken it down and cried for days; someone more self-important would have left it up and created more drama for themselves; and you chose the middle way which takes so much strength! I feel so impressed and proud of you. May you be free from drama. ILY!

a said...

Thank you, Liat, that means a lot to me. You know, its really hard to explain to these guys that I like them all. Even the woman that I had differences with, I liked. My post was not an attack on them, just a reflection on the choices I had before me.

Because the group took it as an attack, and then wanted it off the internet because it was "bad publicity" even though the organization and no one in it was named, it turned into this huge thing, which is something I never intended.

I spent all of last year trying to come to an amicable agreement with the person I had my difference with, to show them respect for their position by working quietly with the president of the organization for a solution. I also worked with the woman herself.

Ultimately, I decided that it just wasn't a healthy place for me to be, and now, the organization has basically insisted on blowing the whole thing wide open and is forcing me to discuss the issues I had kept between myself and those directly affected, with the entire board.

This, I think, is forceful and disrespectful to the person they are ultimately trying to protect, and will do more damage than good. They will also, I am sure, use me as a scapegoat in the whole thing. Its just ridiculous. I spent so much energy last year protecting the person I had my difference with in order to build a civil working relationship, and this turns it into an all out personal war, which I never ever wanted.

Not for me, not for her. I don't believe in airing problems in public, and that's not what my post was. And for some reason, I can't get them to understand that. It was a post about me saying "I have decided not to do this anymore because its not healthy for me" and they took it as "this group of people sucks and you shouldn't go anywhere near them"

Now its true, if someone wanted to work for this group, I would definately warn them that the group is in a huge transition phase and that all but one of the coaches I have talked to are unhappy or have been through some horrible ordeal like I have, until they learned their place, and were able to survive by being quiet and subservient. This, by the way is straight out of their mouths, not mine.

I decided that's not what I wanted in my life.

And now, this group of people is insisting on dragging the whole thing out in the open, dragging the woman I was working with on fixing this through the mud, and just making it exactly the kind of mess I never wanted to be involved in.

I am sure some would say "well then you should not have posted" and to that I would reply "I should not have posted specifically what the sport was so the post was just a bit more anonymous". When I wrote it, I wrote it with the intent of discussing the choices we face in life as we move towards a goal, not of talking specifically about one person or another.

I am so disappointed in this situation, and in the threats I've received, "we are meeting to decide weather to ban you for life or not from the group" and "Its a small town, Kate, and I want you to understand what happened if suddenly no one speaks to you anymore."

I was so hurt by this, and shocked. Why would I want to return to a group that is so ready to meet in secret and make me walk the plank without talking to me about it at all?

This whole thing is leading me to a post called listening to the little voice when it says "This is a bad idea." I should have quit last year when I felt the negativity starting, and we never would have ended up here. We could all still be friends, and I just would have removed myself from a place where I didn't feel comfortable. Instead, at the BEGGING of my clients, I stayed, and stayed and stayed. And now, I am paying for talking about it out loud.

Ah, well, live and learn.

thanks for your support.