I got several wonderful supportive emails after the post on fear and the river, and I wanted to say thank you. The time I took to let acknowledge those feelings and let go of fighting them was helpful, as was writing about it.
I am feeling like I needed to do some grieving, I think I was grieving the last vestiges of the life before. And it feels clean, now. I miss the boys a lot, but I feel like I've let go of a lot of the dregs of sadness.
Its time to focus on getting to work and making some money, and finding a NEW place to live with my kids. I need to find that place now, because I need to move into it on Dec. 1! I had to email Erica in India and tell her that my kids are indeed coming out at Christmas, and that she'd need to find a new room mate and I'd need to find a new place to live. Not ideal. She was, of course, lovely and understanding. Awesome.
If anyone would like to share a home with Bodhi and Ethan and I, let me know!
**UPDATE**
There are some wonderful places that will suit us well here on the ranch! Looking for a possible room mate to share a cabin on a stream in the woods with me and my kids! $750 - 1000 a month, includes a parking spot. NOT on bus route, 4wd is a good idea. Beautiful mountain living. Fireplace. Family. Good food. No TV watchers, we don't have TV and don't want it! We do watch movies. We are more into music, games, friends, good food.
Cross fingers, here we go! OH, PS I took some videos of the place I live, and I'd love to upload them for you, but I left my cable in Bozeman! So please hold...
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